#CatsAndBalls

Grand Theft Auto V -- Conan's review

The birth of my grill

I bought a grill and my friend Oliver filmed its birth.

Drunk History

If you've never seen an episode of "Drunk History" then you haven't lived. Do humanity a favor, and watch the following episode; its the first one I watched. Then, go to their Funny or Die site to watch more. Then, go to their YouTube channel and watch more. Also, follow them on Twitter: @DrunkHistory.

The only way to make it big in Hollywood...

...is to stick your dick in pies. Mark my words, I will be using the phrase "who's pie do I have to stick my dick in..." WAY more often.

Tips on how to make living alone less awful. Thanks, Dr. Brule.

My stand-up set at the Milwaukee Comedy Cafe

My Vine account: Fart Chapman

Beware the ground on which you stand - The floor is quicker than the sand:


Don't be fooled, it isn't thunder - Staying put would be a blunder:

Nigel Thornberry

Yoda hats

Some of my finest work: Yoda hats for my favorite high school teacher and his grandson.

What if I was fat in high school?

There's a few things wrong with this magazine cover:
1) Get high-school skinny! I was fat in high school

2) Lose an inch in a day. I think that's called "chemo-therapy" or "dead."

3) Melt off 14lbs a week! Okay, for sure they're talking about the Holocaust here.

How about this: you stop being lazy and you start exercising? And, what the hell, throw some vegetables into the mix.

You're welcome, America.

I've been obsessed with Homestarrunner lately...

Main site: www.Homestarrunner.com, watch the intro

My favorite "main page" themes:
Heaven, hover over "e-mails"
News, hover over "downloads"
4th of July
8-bit, hover over "e-mails"
The Cheat, hover over "downloads" and "e-mails" (more than once)
Winter, hover over "characters"
Hacker, hover over "downloads"
And of course, Homsar
                                                     

A young Louis C.K. This is like finding the shroud of turin

Louis C.K. was a writer for Conan (probably another reason I love him), so Conan had him on as a guest when he first started Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Louis C.K. is always right

I built this wall-hanging vanity using scrap peg-boards from Lowe's. They happily cut it for me and helped me find all the pieces I was looking for; way to be awesome, guys!! I even had to wire my own light bulbs, which felt pretty badass. I bought the mirror, picture frames, light bulbs and wiring from Wal-Fart.

Supplies included:
-Peg board
-Mini wine corks [hanging jewelry]
-Drill
-8 corner brackets with nails
-Wood-glue 
-2 picture frames
-2 light bulbs 
-2 wiring kits
-1 multi-outlet adapter
-1 small mirror

Wizard Staff

I'll only play one drinking game. Unfortunately, it starts with magic and ends with shame.

Jurassic Park theme song melodica version

I lieu of Jurassic Park 3D, here's this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w-58hQ9dLk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

"Robert Dinero ordering Chinese food" by Will Sasso

Select this link to watch the video. Its spot-on.

"Google" by Ben Bailey

My friend sent me this video yesterday. PRETTY TRUE:

Will Sasso Lemon Compilation

My friend @mynameisjoe sent me this today. Its one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

The Eric Andre Show has a Grizzly Bear as a guest

http://m.adultswim.com/video/the-eric-andre-show/grizzly-bear.html
I laughed SO hard when I watched this.

Check it out! with Dr. Steve Brule: Boats Recap

I've post it once and I'll post it again. HILARIOUS.

The Onion: "Nervous Pope Candidate Changes Wine Into Jesus Christ's Urine"

"Nervous Pope Candidate Changes Wine Into Jesus Christ's Urine"

Article link:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nervous-pope-candidate-changes-wine-into-jesus-chr,31632/

Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi (By the way, he's 70 years old... I want whatever he's having).
Compliments of TheOnion.com

VATICAN CITY—While undergoing the selection process at the ongoing papal conclave, anxious pope candidate Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi accidentally transformed the sacramental wine into Jesus Christ’s urine, the embarrassed church official confirmed Tuesday. “Shit, nobody drink that, it’s piss,” said a flustered Ravasi, moments after discovering he had transubstantiated the brimming contents of a Eucharist goblet into the Holy Messiah’s urine in front of more than 100 cardinals. “I swear, I’ve consecrated the altar wine into the blood of Christ a thousand times, but I just got so nervous with everyone watching me. Man, that smells nasty.” The bishop added that he hadn’t been this ashamed since an infamous 2003 Communion ceremony in which he distractedly converted the sacramental bread into a hardened disc of the Son of God’s fecal matter.

"Air Emergency" by Hannibal Buress [Animal Furness]

'Wack Writing" by Hannibal Buress [Animal Furness]

"Bomb Water" by Hannibal Buress [Animal Furness]

"The Eric Andre Show" intro

The intro to one of my favorite shows.

"What if that guy from Smashing Pumpkins lost his car keys" by Stephen Lynch

Stephen Lynch does an uncanny impression of "that guy from Smashing Pumpkins" in this tune.

"Craig Christ" by Stephen Lynch [The Craig Machine]

Stephen Lynch sings a song about a Biblical character most of us missed...

"Walking with Dinosaurs" by Aziz Ansari [Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening]

Aziz had a weird time at Walking with Dinosaurs...

"A Night out with Kanye West" by Aziz Ansari [Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening]

Aziz shares his night hanging out with Kanye West.

"Using my Blackberry While Driving" by Aziz Ansari [Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening]

Aziz Ansari talks about how when he gets bored while driving, he surfs the web on his Blackberry.

Sail Cat

Pretty hilarious (I don't know where this video originates from).

Walker Texas Ranger Lever on Late Night with Conan O'Brien

This is one of my favorite things of all time. When Conan was on Late Night, he had a lever on his show that whenever he pulled it, it played ridiculous clips from the show Walker Texas Ranger. This video consists of some pretty awesome clips and a surprise at the end. Sorry about the weird picture tilt... ENJOY!

"The Bugged Car" by Patton Oswalt [Finest Hour]

I CAN RELATE TO THIS. Patton Oswalt gives us a snippet of how he talks to himself while driving around in his car.

"Beautiful People and a Bridge Troll" by Patton Oswalt [Werewolves and Lollipops]

Patton Oswalt talks about how he wants to be in the movies, but eats way too much.

Avocado baggy beanie

Whattya think?

"Let's Talk Jesus" by Jim Gaffigan [The Last Supper]

Jim Gaffigan is Catholic and shares his take on the religion.

"My 7-year old is Better than Me" by Louis C.K. [Hilarious]

Louis C.K. talks about trying to talk to his 7-year old daughter.

How is this... What the... Seriously?

"You Too & Stuff" by Brian Regan [Brian Regan Live]

Sometimes Brian Regan says the right thing but at the wrong time.

"Spider Web" by Brian Regan [Brian Regan Live]

Brian Regan doesn't want to look stupid.

"Log Trucks" by Brian Regan [Brian Regan Live]

Brian Regan talks about how he doesn't understand log trucks. Yoopers, you can relate to this...

"I Hate Deer" by Louis C.K. [Chewed Up]

Louis C.K. shares how much he hates deer.
CAUTION: IF YOU LIKE DEER AND DON'T LIKE PEOPLE TALKING POORLY ABOUT DEER, YOU WON'T LIKE THIS. ALSO, HE SAY'S "FUCK" A LOT.
  (if the bit stops playing after "oh, look, he's dead, that's interesting," please, click on this link and listen to the full thing. I think the embedded audio link is broken :( Thanks!)

"Pretty Girls Making Ugly Faces" via Pleated-Jeans.com

This is so awesome. Select the link below...

PRETTY GIRLS MAKING UGLY FACES

Please, submit your photos to my e-mail. Here's mine:

"The Sad Boy" by Patton Oswalt [My Weakness is Strong]

Patton talks about trying to ween himself off of his anti-depressant medication since there won't be Prozac after the Apocalypse...
WARNING: THERE ARE CURSE WORDS IN THIS BECAUSE HE'S AN ADULT AND IS ALLOWED SAY THESE WORDS.

Ball-Pets: Sugarball

I got this idea from the company "Ty." Its an animal in the form of a giant stuffed ball. Adorable. This was my first crack at it. I know exactly what to do next time to make it way easier and look cleaner. The first step is to GET A SEWING MACHINE.

Hand-sewing + never doing this before ever = YIKES.

Sugarball.

The model, Sugarbear, next to her replica ball-pet.

Instant Show Repair - COMING SPRING 2013

"LIKE" THEM ON FACEBOOK!

Instant Show Repair is the brain-child of some of Milwaukee's best and brightest. Follow this upcoming web series to hear about what is being SHOT RIGHT NOW and stay tuned to be first in line to see the series when it DEBUTS THIS SPRING. The ever changing cast of characters and ever growing repertoire of humor will surely keep you coming back.

"80s Metal Bands" by Patton Oswalt [Feelin' Kinda Patton]

Comedian Patton Oswalt, reminisces about Metal Bands from the 1980s.
CAUTION: IF YOU HATE CURSE WORDS, THEN YOU'LL HATE THIS.

Hello.

Fart 'n Crafts is a play on words. The "farts" part refers to funny things. The "crafts" part refers to crafts. This blog is where I share things I find funny as well as things I create from MY OWN TWO HANDS. Other people can share their jokes and their crafts as well (that's where the "Toots" section comes in).

I got really into crocheting and sewing in 2007. I also performed my first set of stand-up comedy in 2007. Therefore, I always associate any ounce of creativity in my body with thinking of something funny or creating something with string.

My goal is to try to post something funny and/or crafty every week. If you'd like to submit something funny and/or crafty, please, e-mail me.